I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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