yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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