Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Vodka?
Forever.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
