If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
