I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
