I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
