dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
