the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
