Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
