All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
