HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
