i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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