Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
