You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
