Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize