also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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