I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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