Pants 0. Shit 1.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
