some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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