I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
