ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
