Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
