just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
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Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
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it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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