he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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