Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
