She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
