i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
When are your genitals available?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
