Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
