this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
