this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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