at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
