I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
