I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
