oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my sisters under your porch take her home
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
