On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You dont lie about slip and slides
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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