Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
