There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
