I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize