Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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