dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
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There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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