I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
