i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
