There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
