I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
