she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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