I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
