I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
