I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
