A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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