Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
