dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
