I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just found puke in my bra..
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Randomize
