I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
