if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
