Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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