Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize