Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener

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  (214): a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener http://tfl.nu/2syz
  Replies (6) Good night (505) Bad night (2120)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.

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  (416): Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY. http://tfl.nu/81vu
  Replies (22) Good night (1059) Bad night (3316)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.

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  (832): Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night. http://tfl.nu/2nh3
  Replies (20) Good night (4154) Bad night (1883)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience

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  (302): dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience http://tfl.nu/d1lz
  Replies (49) Good night (587) Bad night (6195)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.

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  (512): He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests. http://tfl.nu/eem8
  Replies (20) Good night (1951) Bad night (4966)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.

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  (978): Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen. http://tfl.nu/nx95
  Replies (10) Good night (4048) Bad night (799)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.

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  (715): I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk. http://tfl.nu/px56
  Replies (7) Good night (2161) Bad night (870)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.

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  (702): Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom. http://tfl.nu/iz3f
  Replies (23) Good night (942) Bad night (4627)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.

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  (845): Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent. http://tfl.nu/xb5q
  Replies (5) Good night (2121) Bad night (513)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.

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  (941): Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything. http://tfl.nu/u3ar
  Replies (9) Good night (3942) Bad night (625)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.

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  (815): thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends. http://tfl.nu/i5k2
  Replies (4) Good night (2831) Bad night (644)
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  (315): View more from New York

  If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".

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  (315): If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one". http://tfl.nu/zydx
  Replies (6) Good night (1781) Bad night (645)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point

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  (724): I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point http://tfl.nu/cccx
  Replies (9) Good night (1713) Bad night (550)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick

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  (774): stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick http://tfl.nu/dnwu
  Replies (10) Good night (1689) Bad night (519)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...

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  (440): The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine... http://tfl.nu/over
  Replies (0) Good night (439) Bad night (228)

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