So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless