She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
