She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
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I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
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I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I licked your asshole in confidence.