Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though