You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
